


The Ashes of Bahrain

by kimberleigh



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Original Character Death(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-14
Updated: 2014-11-14
Packaged: 2018-02-25 06:57:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2612495
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kimberleigh/pseuds/kimberleigh
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Melinda May. The Cavalry. Bahrain. It is what legends are made of. But Melinda never wanted to be a legend. Now she has an old friend back, a new team, new mission. A brand new start. But a close encounter with an Asgardian artifact dredges up the things she thought were buried long ago. The ghosts of her past mix with the people of her present and it may end changing her future.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ashes of Bahrain

**Author's Note:**

> Art is by the amazing Paleogymnast. Master post is [ here](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/marvel_bang_2014/works/2612384), go tell them how amazing they are ;)
> 
> A huge amount of thanks goes to [ regionsofkindness](http://regionsofkindness.tumblr.com/) for betaing this for me. Your advice means alot, and thank you for loving Melinda May the way you do <3
> 
> Desi, thank you for being my biggest cheerleader. A girl couldn't ask for more <3

  
[](http://s170.photobucket.com/user/paleogymnast/media/paleogymnast007/Poster500pixel_zpsf93b4b0f.png.html)   


“Truth and beauty are wonderful words, but shrapnel is shrapnel and at the end of the day, I am alone with the things I have done.”  
E Horne & J Comeau (A Softer World)

_The church was swarming with SHEILD agents. They sat out of the way, against a wall, their shoulders almost touching. She watched him out of the corner of her eye. A couple of times he opened his mouth, starting to say something before he thought better of it and closed it. She was glad, she's not sure she would hear him over the voices in her head._

_When he finally finds his voice, he asks her the one thing she's not ready to answer._

_“When you held it, did you see anything?” She nods. Expecting him to ask about her visions, his next question takes her by surprise “Then how? How did you hold all three?”_

_The awe in his voice is evident, even under the exhaustion. For a moment she doesn't know how to respond. How did she hold all three? She's not even sure herself._

_“Because I see it every day.” Its not a real answer, she knows, but at the same time, she feels she has said too much. Without elaborating further, she pushes away from the wall and walks slowly away._

* * * 

She stood in front of the Deputy Director's desk, hands clasped behind her back to hide the fact they were shaking. Nick Fury looked from the report in front of him to her and back again.

“Care to explain yourself Agent May?”

“Sir?”

“I want to hear, from you, why you felt it necessary to defy the orders of your supervising officer and go back into a hot zone, delaying your extraction and potentially costing the lives of your fellow agents.”

“There were still civilians in the building sir, I couldn't leave them to die.” Her voice was steady and strong, even though she was feeling neither at that moment. “We protect the innocent. That's our job. That's why I went back in.”

Fury's brow furrowed for a moment. “You know Agent O'Brien is pushing for disciplinary action. He wants to see you knocked back down to level 1. Hell if he had his way, you'd be out of SHEILD all together.”

“I know sir. He said he was going to make sure of it.” 

“Luckily for you, its not his decision to make. He never should have been your SO. That was our mistake.”

“Sir?” Melinda raised an eyebrow at him, as he flipped the report closed. She had no idea what was going on.

Nicholas Fury had recruited her, right from under the nose of her mother and MI6. Melinda was grateful. She was a solider, not a spy. MI6 was never going to feel like home. If she stayed, she would only ever be known as Director May's daughter, and she wanted more from life.

“From today on you answer to me. If you ever pull a stunt like that again, well I might just give you a medal.” He did give her one of his rare smiles.

“Thank you sir, but I'm only level 4. I don't have the clearance to work for you.” 

Fury tossed something at her and she caught it smoothly. 

A new ID badge. “Agent Melinda May, Specialist, Level 5.”

“Welcome to Level 5 Agent May.” 

It was her turn to smile. “Thank you sir.” 

“Now get out of my office. Go find Coulson. Tell him you're not fired.”

As his office door closed behind her, she breathed a sigh of relief. The knots in her stomach finally starting to unravel. It went so much better than she had thought it would.

She had just turned the corner from Fury's office when she felt someone following her. Turning quickly she found herself face to face with Clint Barton. He gave her one of his shit eating grins. He was altogether too cocky for a new field agent. 

“So, are we going to have to tp Fury's office in revenge?” He fell into step with her, other people in the hall melting out of their way.

“That would be a horrible thing to do to my new SO.” She flashed her new id badge at him. “Let's wait until Christmas.”

“Level 5, wow May, you're really moving up in the world.” He leaned in. “And what sort of favours did you have to promise Fury for that shiny new badge?”

Stopping in her tracks, she turned and faced Clint completely. He was smiling at her, but she wasn't amused. She punched him hard in the arm.

“What the hell May? That hurt.”

“There are people listening Clint.” She hissed, conscious of the people around them in the hall. 

“I was making a joke. You know I don't believe that shit.”

“I know that, but they don't. Its hard enough being a woman in this line of work. I don't need rumours of impropriety following me around.”

“I'm sorry Melinda.” He replied, looking down at the floor. “I won't say anything like that again.”

“I know you won't. Thank you.” She said, reaching out to gently rub the spot where her punch landed. “Now don't you have somewhere to be?”

“Shit, I forgot. I'm suppose to be down in R&D. They made me some new arrows to try out.” The grin returned to his face. “A boomerang arrow. Can you believe that? Why would you want an arrow that comes back?”

He threw a wave over his shoulder and was gone. She sighed. In no time the news would be all over The Hub and she had no doubt the rumours would start. As much as they had progressed, some parts of SHIELD were still an old boys club.

After speaking to Clint, she headed straight to Phil's quarters. She knew he would be there, having taken a pile of paperwork with him. He always said he preferred to do his paperwork in his quarters because it was quieter. But Melinda knew that it had more to do with the fact he could finally take his suit off and slouch around in sweat pants.

Sure enough, when she opened the door to his room, he was sitting at his desk, sweat pants on, his suit discarded and thrown over the back of a chair. 

He looked up and smiled. “So, am I helping you pack, or am I opening the bottle of scotch I have hiding in my underwear drawer?”

“You keep booze in your underwear drawer?”

“Its the only place Barton won't find it.” She snickered softly.

“Well you tell me.” She handed him the id badge. “Fury just became my SO. I'm level 5 now, like you.” 

Her voice dropped lower and she saw the way Phil reacted when he heard her lock the door behind her. They had been dancing around their attraction for months. Phil was a gentleman and refused to do anything that could be seen as him using his rank over her.

“I think this calls for a celebration.” He stood, and started to cross the room. Melinda took his arm.

“Yes, I believe it does.” She pulled him close and kissed him. For the first time, he kissed her back.

* * *

_“She's fitting in nicely.” Coulson was leaning against the wall, watching Skye and Ward play Battleship. Melinda watched him smile out of the corner of her eye._

_“Gloating?”_

_“ A little.” She resisted the impulse to roll her eyes._

_“You were up early this morning. Heard you puttering around even before I started tai chi. Having trouble sleeping?”_

_“No, I feel great. Just have a little extra energy to burn.” He partially turned to look at her. She gave him a small playful smile. He knew that smile well, had been on the receiving end more than once._

_“If you want, I could lay out the mats downstairs. We could go a few rounds, like the old days?” There was something in her tone of voice that made Coulson unsure if she was asking for sex or just to spar. Although sometimes with Melinda, it was the same thing._

_He was about to reply when one of the alarms in the debriefing room started sounding. “Saved by the bell.” He laughed a little bit, but was glad of the distraction._

* * *

Only a hand full of agents reported directly to Deputy Director Fury. They were an odd strike team, but somehow they worked.

Melinda ran into John on her way to garage. He gave her a big warm smile. 

“So this is it, the big day.” He fell into step beside her. “First mission with your new team. I don't know anyone has said this to you already, but we're glad to have you.”

“Blake told me something similar yesterday after mission briefing. Although I think he was mostly happy about having someone to help him keep your and Victoria in line.” She smiled and John laughed.

“Don't believe anything Felix tells you about me and Vic. He'll have you thinking we're trying to send him to an early grave.”

“Oh it's not just him, Phil thinks so too.” She grinned. 

“Coulson loves us.”

John wasn't far off. Phil had been filling her in on her new team. His affection for them was obvious in every word. At first she had been worried, but Melinda had a feeling that she was going to fit right in.

When they reached the garage, Felix and Victoria were already there. Victoria, being the amazon she was, towered over Felix, looking lethal in her ops gear. Felix looked at his watch and glared at John.

“You're late.” 

“Keep your shirt on, Phil's not even here yet.” John smacked Felix on the ass.

“I swear John, smack my ass again and you won't have hands anymore.”

“You always say that, and yet here I stand, hands perfectly intact.” Melinda watched as a look passed between John and Victoria. The next thing they knew, Victoria had came up behind Felix and ran her hand gently over his ass.

“That better my dear?” Felix turned on her and the look on his face made Melinda snort in laughter. He faced her and he looked utterly betrayed.

“Agent May, I had such high hopes for you.”

“I'm sorry, it just slipped out.” She tried to stop smiling, but it was hard.

“You are all so unprofessional. I'm going to ask Fury for a transfer as soon as we get back.”

“You've been saying that for years Felix, you love us too much to leave us.” Victoria said with a grin.

“I only stay because no one else will have you.” he retorted. John and Victoria pretended to look hurt.

“John, Victoria, stop torturing Felix. Its time to go.” Phil came up to them.

“Finally.” Felix said as he opened the driver's door.

* * * 

Their mission was simple. Steal back something that had been stolen from SHIELD a few weeks prior. The object, a new piece of tech, had been tracked to a warehouse on the outskirts of a small Nevada town. The place had no guards, Felix had said they would be in and out in less than ten minutes. 

It turned out not to be so simple when Victoria was almost shot in the head. 

“Snipers! Everyone down!” John screamed throwing himself to the floor.

“What the fuck Blake?” Victoria yelled.

“Shit, shit, SHIT!” Felix sounded angry. His missions were planned down to the last detail. Melinda didn't know what he could have missed.

“Fucking silent alarm. Wasn't on the plans. I guess that's why there wasn't any guards.”

“Well shut it the fuck down!” John herded them into a small office. They crouched down, hopefully out of view of the snipers. Every few seconds a bullet would fly over their heads.

“I did, but its too late. They know you're there.”

“Shit. Please tell me you have some good news Blake.” Phil said.

Melinda could hear Felix typing frantically back in the van. They had left it parked a couple of miles up the road. 

“I called for back up. And there only seems to be two snipers.” He gave them approximate location of the snipers. Melinda looked over and Phil and smiled. He shook his head.

“Melinda no.” 

“Keep away from the windows. I'll be back before you know it.” She slipped away, ignoring the protests of her teammates.

There was no word from Melinda for almost 30 minutes. Phil had a feeling she turned her comm off, despite of her promise to him to always keep it on. 

He was starting to get anxious, worried about what he might have to tell Nick. John's hand on his arm brought him out of his thoughts. 

“Do you hear that?” In the distance, the unmistakable sound of a helicopter. They listened as it got closer.

“Felix, please tell me that is our guys.” Victoria grumbled.

“No, not ours. ETA is still 10 minutes.” 

There was a landing pad outside. Knowing the layout of the building, and given how empty it was, Phil figured they had less than 10 minutes before they were found. He glanced at John, then at Victoria, they were already arming themselves.

“Time to go.” There was a lot of static on the comms, but it was Melinda. “And don't forget what we came for. I'm not coming back here.”

When they finally arrived back at base, everyone and everything intact intact, Fury congratulated them on a job well done. He had a smile for Melinda.

“Nice work Agent May.”

“Thank you sir.” She replied, as if taking out two enemy snipers and rescuing her team was no big deal.

“I didn't know you could fly a helicopter.”

“They're not my speciality, but I do alright.” 

“I'll have to remember that.” He said with a grin. “Take the night off. You have another big day ahead of you tomorrow.”

Melinda gave Phil a look, which he replied to with one of his own. Melinda knew what he meant and wandered off to occupy herself for a couple of hours while he got a start on the mission reports.

That was how she found herself alone in the steam room with Victoria. Melinda would admit to being intimidated by her before they met. Victoria's reputation preceded her everywhere. One of the last agents recruited by Director Carter herself, she was on the fast track to deputy director. She inspired loyalty in everyone she surrounded herself with, and she looked really good in a suit. But for all of that, she never made people feel small. 

One look from Agent Hand sent the junior agents scurrying and they soon had the room to themselves. Sitting down on the bench, she dropped her towel and stretched. Melinda watched how she moved. When Victoria caught her eye, she winked. Melinda just smiled and dropped her towel. Victoria returned the appraising stare.

“Like what you see?” Melinda asked, her voice light and teasing.

“Very much.” She sighed. “If only Isabelle was into sharing. And you and Phil were less married.”

“Phil and I are just friends.” Victoria just laughed. 

“Sure you are and I'm as straight as a ruler. We all know about you two. All your coded looks and secret gestures.”

Melinda felt her face grow hot and it wasn't just because of the steam. They had being trying hard to keep their relationship quiet.

“If it makes you feel any better, its only the three of us who know. Well us and Fury, but he's the boss man, its his job to know.” Victoria sighed and lay back on the bench. “Its smart you know, keeping it in house so to speak. And you could do a lot worse than Phil. But let's be clear, you hurt him and I hurt you.”

“Is this your come to Jesus talk?”

“Yep.” She sounded a bit smug. “Don't worry, I'll be talking to Phil later. I might mention if he screws up, I'm going to steal you and ruin you for men.” 

She gave Melinda another wink and Melinda just laughed, the sound echoing off the tiles.

* * * 

It was early, and the gym was still empty. When she was doing tai chi she preferred it that way. She was half way through her routine when she heard the door open. Without turning to look, she knew that it had to be Coulson. No one else had the nerve to disturb her when she was doing tai chi. And Coulson knew enough not to interrupt her.

When she finished, she sat down on the bench beside him. Taking a drink from her water bottle, she raised an eyebrow at him.

“Fury wants to see us. 20 minutes.”

“Just enough time to have a shower.” She started walking away. “Are you going to join me?”

Phil didn't need to be asked twice.

* * *

25 minutes later Melinda and Phil joined Fury in his office. Fury caught Melinda's eye and she shrugged her shoulders. She knew that if they kept themselves discreet, Fury was unlikely to say or do anything about their relationship. 

He motioned to the chairs in front of his desk, and he pushed two files across to them. Melinda opened hers and scanning it as Fury began to speak. 

“This is Charles Landon. American by birth, but now a citizen of Bahrain. He's well educated and very wealthy after the death of his parents 5 years ago. On paper, he's not much different from Tony Stark. Business man, with an interest in science. He donated a large sum of money to a university in Manama and they named their new biology building after his mother.” Fury rubbed his eyes. “None of this would be enough to get him onto SHIELD's radar, but over the last few months we've been getting some reports from our agents on the ground. It seems that Charles Landon may be an unregistered gifted.”

“What kind of gifted?” Phil asked. Melinda resisted the urge to roll her eyes. In her time at SHIELD, there had been many reports and claims of gifted individuals. In almost every case, the claims were unfounded. 

“The usual psychic stuff. Seeing the future, speaking to the dead. Making wild claims about the end of the world and immortality. He's set himself up as an oracle, and every day more people are flocking to his compound in the countryside. We need a team to go in and perform an Index Asset Evaluation and Intake.” 

“And you want us to be on the team?” Melinda asked.

“No Agent May, I want you to lead the team.” 

She looked at Fury, then to Phil. She was certain she wore the same stunned look on her face.

“The work the two of you have been doing has been noticed by the rest of the top brass. They want to see what you are capable of. Do well, and there may be promotions in your future.” The look he had on his face made Melinda feel like the promotions were already a forgone conclusion.

“Along with all the information we have on Landon, I've included a short list of junior agents. You don't have to pick from the list, but if you want someone not on the list, you better give me a damn good reason. You have 3 days, pick your team, get them briefed and ready. In 5 days, you leave for Manama. Am I clear?”

“Yes sir.” They responded at the same time.

“Good now go get to work.” 

* * * 

Melinda sat crossed legged on Phil's bed, missions notes and reports spread around her.

“So, we're in agreement about Sitwell?” 

Jasper Sitwell was a level 4 agent and a recruit of Fury's. He was smart, tactical but had all the bearing of an accountant. He was seemed so uninteresting that he was constantly underestimated and almost always overlooked. But he could be very charming and had a way with words. So far he was the only name on Fury's list they could both agree on.

“Yes, I think he'll be a good liaison between us and the local government and even with Landon himself.”

Melinda started a pile on her left.

“And the security team?” Phil asked. 

“Done. I've worked with Anders and his boys before. I trust them.” Phil nodded. Melinda knew that if she said she trusted this team, Phil would too, despite never having ever worked with them before.

The parameters of the mission were pretty simple. Five agents, five man security detail. They had already decided that Phil would run point while Melinda ran back end. With Sitwell decided on, there was still two spots left to fill.

“I would like to bring in Akela Amador.” Melinda shook her head.

“I know you like her. And I think she's going to make a great agent someday, but she's too green. She only made level 3 six months ago. She hasn't even had a field assessment yet.”

“You're right, I know you're right.” He sighs. “Who does that leave?”

“Lauren McKay, Sean Daniels and Lillah Jones. They're all level 4 but none of them have done any field work. McKay has a near perfect eidetic memory and Daniels knows computers. Jones could fight her way out of any situation if it came down to that, but she also failed her field assessment.”

“And McKay and Daniels?”

“They both passed, McKay with flying colours and Daniels was more than adequate. If we take one, we should take the other.” Melinda responded.

“And the rumours about the two of them being involved? Are they true?” Phil asked. “It could be a liability in the field.” 

Phil looked up when Melinda didn't answer him right away. The room was quiet and she regarded him with a cold look.

“What?”

“Are you saying our relationship is a liability?” 

“No, of course not.”

“Well if we can some how manage to be professional in the field, I'm sure they can to.” 

“Neither of them have been in the field before. Are we sure this should be their first mission?” 

“They want to field agents, so they will have to star somewhere. Don't forget you got caught in a fire fight between two rivalling drug cartels on your first field mission, and mine ended in a prison riot. As first missions go, this one will be easy.” She gave Phil a look. “Are you trying to find a reason not to take them?”

“No. McKay and Daniels it is.” Phil nodded. 

Melinda stood and gathered up her notes and files.

“I'm going to get these names to Fury and I'll meet you in the mess hall for a late dinner.” She gave Phil a quick kiss on the lips before slipping out the door. 

* * *

_She knew it was him from the moment the elevator doors opened. She didn't turn around to watch him walk through the rows of cubicles. In fact, she refused to look at him altogether._

_“No.” She said, her voice firm as she shuffled some papers together._

_“You haven't heard what I've come to say yet Agent May.” Nick replied._

_“Doesn't matter. The answer is still no.” She looked up at him. He looked old, worn down in ways she never imagined he could. In his hands he held two files._

_“Phil's ready to go back into the field. Demanding it actually. I've been trying to put him off, but you know Phil.”_

_Melinda smiled at that. She did know Phil._

_“He needs a team.”_

_“And you want me to be on it?”_

_“I want you to find it, and help lead it.”_

_“No.” She forcefully stapled some reports together._

_“Yes Agent May. You are the only one I trust with this.” He slide one of the folders across her desk. Melinda looked down. “Level 10 Access” in bold black letters._

_“Sir?”_

_“Phil's medical file. Everything that was done to save his life.” She itched to take it, devour it._

_“It's illegal for me to read this.”_

_“I'm giving you permission. No one, not even Hill has seen this.” He put the second folder on top of it. “Mission parameters, personal files. Find me the best people for the job Agent May.”_

_She looked down at the files and up at Fury._

_“You're not giving me a choice are you sir?”_

_“It's been ten years Melinda. Are you going to tell me you don't miss it?”_

_She felt a stirring in her chest. Once more Nick Fury was too perceptive for his own good. She did miss it. Sometimes._

_“I expect have your report in 48 hours.”_

_He didn't give her a chance to refuse again, just swept out of the office followed by stunned silence._

_She surprised him by showing up at his office the next morning. She handed him her report._

_“I'll do this under one condition.”_

_Fury leaned forward and regarded her with his one eye. “And that is?”_

_“You give me a plane. A nice one.”_

_He laughed. “I think we can manage that.”_

* * *

Melinda pressed a button and the screen in the briefing room came to life. A photograph of an impeccably dressed man got everyone's attention. 

“This is Charles Landon. Scientist, and millionaire. He was born in the US, but he lives just outside Manama, the capital of Bahrain. He's a duel citizen due to his mother.” Melinda began.

“Over the past few month, SHIELD has been keeping an eye on Landon. There have been some reports that allege he has newly manifested psychic powers.”

Daniels' snorted. “Psychic powers? Really?” 

“That's why we are going to Bahrain. We need to find out if he's for real, or just another fraud.” 

Phil stood and advanced the play back. “The Index Asset Evaluation and Intake is SHIELD protocol. We go in and determine if an individual is gifted and needs to be added to our registry. True psychics are very rare, there is less than five in the registry. But we need to investigate any and all claims of this nature when they come to our attention.” Daniels nodded.

McKay didn't say anything, but Melinda could see her devour every word in the file in front of her, putting away all the information she was being given. 

“According to the reports, Landon is claiming to be able to see the future and speak to the dead. People from all over the world have been making their way to see him, and it appears that he has a growing following in the internet.”

“Agent Sitwell has been liaising with the Bahrainian government. Mr. Landon has been very accommodating in agreeing to this interview. Our mission is simple, we go in, determine if he is gifted or not. If he is, we get him on the registry. If not, we say good day and head home.”

“We leave for Manama in 90 minutes. Gather your gear and meet us in the north hanger.”

Melinda watched as the agents and security team filed out of the room, she turned to Phil. “Well, I think I could get used to this.” 

“Me too.”

* * *  
 _They were two hours into their flight when the door of the cockpit opened. Her back tensed. She really wasn't in the mood to make conversation. She had slept badly, nightmares haunting her dreams until she gave up sleep all together._

_“Maybe I should learn to fly.” Coulson leaned into the back of the copilot's chair. “It's not too late, right? I could learn.”_

_Melinda stayed quiet, hoping he would leave her sooner if she didn't engage with him. But he took her silence as permission to keep going._

_“What do you like best the freedom? The view?”_

_“The solitude.”_

_“Got it.” If Coulson was upset with her, she couldn't hear it in his voice. “See you in Sweden.”_

_She couldn't keep a smile from forming on her face as the door closed behind him. She never could stay mad at him._

* * *

Melinda was in love with flying since she could remember. When she was 8 she tried to fly by jumping off the roof of her house. She broke her arm in two places and her mother was furious. Even the cast couldn't put a damper on her happiness. For a brief moment, she knew what it felt like to fly.

She was 13 when she asked for flying lessons for her birthday, and she had her pilot's license long before she could drive a car. When she joined SHEILD she insisted on becoming certified. Her first two years with the organization was spent learning everything she could. In theory there wasn't a plane or helicopter on earth she couldn't fly. 

But SHEILD 749 was bigger than any plane she had flown before. There was a moment, when she stood in the cockpit and she wasn't sure. She took a deep breath and shook her head. If Fury thought she could do this, she would. She slid into the pilot seat, and started running through her preflight checklist.

“Wheels up in 5. Lock it or lose it people.” 

When the plane finally left the ground, she couldn't stop the sigh. It was just like falling in love all over again.

The flight to Manama was almost 16 hours. They flew through the night, and would land in the morning. After about three hours, Melinda was starting to feel hungry and in desperate need of tea. Engaging the autopilot, she made her way back into the living area of the plane.

She found a freshly brewed pot sitting on the counter of the tiny kitchen. It was nice and smooth and just strong enough. She closed her eyes when she took her second sip, and when she opened them she saw Jasper looking at her with a smile. 

“I take it you like the tea Agent May?”

“Very much. If you're responsible, I'm going to keep you.” She chuckled when she saw the look on his face. “And no, you don't get a say in the matter. Phil is good at many things, but making tea is not one of them.”

Jasper laughed at that. They talked for a little while, going over the plan for the next day. When they landed in Manama, they would be met by both government officials and Landon's personal assistant. The government wanted to make sure they understood that they were there as guests, on a diplomatic mission of sorts, and force of any kind was going to be dealt with swiftly. 

She was about to go and find Coulson when one of the junior agents came over to her. Agent McKay was a tiny young woman, who's wild red hair more than made up for her lack of height. Her round face was graced with a nervous smile as she approached Melinda. She had the feeling that McKay had drawn the short straw. 

“Um, excuse me Agent May, can I ask you something?” 

“Certainly Agent McKay. It's Lauren isn't it?” She gave the young woman a warm smile, wanting to put her at ease. Lauren nodded her head. “What would you like to know Lauren?”

“Is it true that you rescued a dozen dogs from a burning building?” 

As rumours went, it certainly was one of the tamer ones. “Is that story going around the academy again?”

Lauren nodded. Melinda moved away from the counter and motioned for Lauren to follow her.

“Well it certainly has grown more outlandish over the past couple of years. No, it wasn't a dozen dogs, it was one. And he wasn't even real.” Melinda say down on a couch opposite of Daniels. “A young boy had been kidnapped. When he was taken, he had this stuffed blue dog with him. They had gotten separated somewhere along the way. I managed to find his friend and reunited the pair.”

He was young son of the English inventor had been kidnapped, taken from his bed in the middle of the night. His father was an asset, both of SHIELD's and MI6, and the kidnappers knew it. Knew what he was working on. They didn't ask for money, they wanted the specs and information on his current project. Melinda never knew what it was, but it didn't matter to her. She just wanted to bring the boy home to his family.

It had been a good day. Not only were they able to take the boy home unharmed, but it was also the first time her mother saw the work she was doing at SHEILD. She was very proud of her daughter and told her so. Her mother even forgave her for choosing SHEILD over MI6.

“Oh.” Lauren looked a little bit disappointed.

“You can't always believe everything you hear at the academy. We agents are often prone to exaggeration. Stories will always get bigger in the telling.”

“So the story about you and Agent Barton tp-ing Fury's office? Is the just a wild tale too?” Agent Daniels gave her a charming smile. Melinda threw her head back and laughed.

“No, that one is totally true. It was a Christmas gift from Barton and myself. We're the reason he switched back to a hard key. He thinks its easier to keep us out.”

“Agent May, would you like a beer?” Daniels asked, holding out a bottle.

“I would love one.” She took it and was about to take a drink when McKay cleared her throat.

“A toast. To Agent May. Long live The Calvary” They all clinked bottles and drank.

“The Calvary?” Melinda asked. It wasn't a nickname she had heard before. Not in relation to herself anyways. The other agents looked like she had caught them trying to tp Fury's office. 

“Um, well, that's what some agents call you. Because you are always there to rescue people.” 

Melinda nodded. She doubted that everyone used that name so charitably. There had been other agents, mostly long before her time who had taken or had been given that name. And not all of them were regarded with the awe that these agents were looking at her with. 

“The Cavalry, I like it.” She took a sip of her beer before telling them the story on how she and Barton had broken into Fury's office by way of the air ducts, and covered every inch of it in toilet paper and post it notes. 

  
[](http://s170.photobucket.com/user/paleogymnast/media/paleogymnast007/quote1_zpsc1c39820.png.html)   


* * * 

_She slowly began to come to. Whatever gas they had used to subdue her was leaving behind a wicked headache. She could feel her hands tied behind her back, and could hear the voices of her team next to her._

_“This wouldn't have happened if Agent May wasn't on the stick. She would have busted out some of her ninja know how.”_

_“Agent May? No. No, no. She transferred from administration.” Fitz replied_

_“Well, I've seen her destroy a guy, so...”_

_There was a pause and she could hear rustling of clothes. Great, they were all tied up. It was cold, so they had to be in the cargo bay._

_“You've heard of the cavalry?” Ward asked._

_“Yeah. Everyone at the academy talks about stories...”_

_“She's the cavalry?” Fitz and Simmons sounded amazed and starstruck._

_She opened her eyes and groaned softly. “I told you never to call me that.”_

* * * 

The next morning Phil found her propped against the kitchen counter, a mug of Jasper's tea steaming in her hands.

“Don't tell me you stayed up all night with the young ones.”

“Alright, I won't tell you.” She smiled. “Someone had better go and wake them up, we touch down in 45 minutes.” 

* * * 

Melinda stood with McKay and Daniels at the top of the ramp and watched as Coulson and Sitwell made nice with the men from the government. She glanced at the two younger agents. Daniels' hands moved like he couldn't find anything to do with them. McKay was taking in everything around her, but she was so still she reminded Melinda of a statue. When she spoke, they almost jumped out of their skins.

“You guys are going to be fine. Just remember to breathe.”

“Do you have to stay here?” Lauren asked. Melinda turned to look at her. She looked so young and bewildered that Melinda almost wanted to trade places with Coulson.

“I do, but I'm linked into the comm system, and I'll be watching your back the whole time from the war room. If you need me though, I will come for you.” She promised.

“We should have a code or something. A signal if we need help.” Daniels had finally shoved his hands in his pockets to stop them from shaking.

“Sure, if that makes you feel better.” She smiled at Daniels and his thin shoulders relaxed a bit.

“Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.” Lauren blurted out and she blushed.

“That will work just fine.” She saw Phil turn and motion to them. It was time to go to work. She reached out and squeezed Lauren's shoulder. “You are going to be just fine. Agent Coulson will keep you safe.”

They nodded and turned to walk down the ramp to where Coulson was. Melinda waited until their vehicle was out of sight before she turned and returned to her post on the plane.

* * *

_She leaned against the door to his office, watching him. “Used to have this down. Should be just muscle memory.”_

_“You're making a habit of it, sir.” She finally said, Coulson turning when he heard her voice._

_“Trying. Guess I'm a little rusty.”_

_“Of these close calls, I mean. I don't enjoy running back end.” It was true, she didn't._

_“You want off the plane? Go ahead.” His voice was hard. He didn't sound angry, just disappointed maybe. Either way, she didn't like it._

_“I want in.” She came to stand at parade rest in front of him. “Reporting for combat next time it's up.”_

_“You committed to the cause or just watching my back?”_

_“Same thing.” She replied, walking away from him. “And you are a little rusty.”_

* * *

Melinda was watching the monitors in the war room when Anders brought her a fresh cup of tea. 

“Jasper put a pot on to brew before he left. Said you might need it.” Melinda took it gratefully and sipped it slowly.

“He'll go far. I'm so easily bribed with a good cup of tea.” Anders laughed.

“So how come you're back here waiting around with us, watching monitors while Coulson is out there getting all the glory?”

Melinda snorted. “Hardly a glorious mission, going in and making nice with a egomaniac like Charles Landon. Coulson is much better people person in these situations.”

“That is true. You are lots of things May, good with people is sometimes not high on that list.”

“I can be great with people, just not people like him.”

“You're going to have to explain that one to me May.”

“True psychics are rare. Currently there are only three on the index. One is a young girl in Canada. She just turned eight and she can draw the future. One is a 47 year old man in Australia who helps the local authorities when people get lost in the Outback. The last one is a retired midwife in Cornwall who makes a killer cup of tea.”

“I still don't understand.”

“The thing they have in common is that they are just normal people, content to live normal lives. Their abilities aren't on put on display like phone line psychics and the like.” She motioned at a monitor that was playing one of Landon's many internet videos. “When you watch Landon, he's all surface, no depth. Everything he does is for show. From the moment he let the team into his compound, he's been putting on a show. Makes you wonder what he's hiding.”

* * * 

It happens just after Melinda finishes talking with Phil. He is wrapping up with Landon and they would be heading back soon. There is shouting and Melinda can hear sounds of a struggle over the comms.

“Phil are you okay?” She asks, unease building in her spine. “Where are the others?”

“Landon said they could take a walk in the gardens...” She hears a grunt and what sounds like a body hitting the floor. She feels her stomach drop, but what she hears next turns her blood to ice.

“Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi...” There's a scream then silence. She up and moving, calling for Anders as she goes.

* * * 

“I can't let you do this.” Anders says, even as he passes her a pistol. 

“Are you going to stop me?” 

“I don't think I could.” 

* * * 

_They were in the lab, the feed from the cage going mostly unwatched._

_“Things got out of hand. May sorted it out. She's the Cavalry.” Fitz said. Jemma hummed in agreement._

_“Where does that name come from, anyway?” Skye asked_

_“Didn't Ward tell you?”_

_“You don't know?”_

_Skye smiled at the way Fitz and Simmons talked over each other._

_“Of course not. You spent no time at the academy. It's quite a story.” Jemma gave Fitz a knowing look and he nodded in understanding._

_“Yeah, well, Ward isn't exactly a chatty S.O.”_

_“Well, imagine if you will,” Fitz began his story. “A heavily secured compound. Manama, Bahrain. Multiple S.H.I.E.L.D. agents are taken hostage, tortured for information. May's mission ... eliminate the threat.”_

_“You mean kill people?|”_

_“Not people ... entire squads of mercenaries, almost 100.” Jemma replied._

_“More than 100.” Fitz countered._

_“More than 100 men, heavily armed. Her vehicle got totalled, so she rode in.”_

_“And, um, she had a M249 in each hand.” Fitz added, remembering the story that had been told to him._

_“Right ... in each hand. And she rode in on a horse.” Jemma was proud of adding the horse._

_“Hence the name ... the Cavalry.”_

_“Is this real?” Skye didn't sound completely convinced_

_“She eliminated the enemy threat single handedly.” Jemma added._

_“She saw a lot of hurt that day.” Of all the things they told Skye, this one was true._

* * *

It was late afternoon when they arrived at Landon's compound. Anders parked their van close to a service entrance. It was the easiest way for them to gain entry. There was a gate and a driveway that lead directly to the kitchen. 

Their video surveillance showed that there was plenty of people coming and going from the house. The most worrying was the armed guard that stood by the door. Melinda knew that they would never be able to get past them. She quickly divested herself of her holster and pistol.

“May, what the hell are you doing?”

“They have a guard on the door, I'll never be able to get inside with it. Don't worry Anders, I can take care of myself.” She replied. “I have a plan. Wait for my signal and I'll find you a way in.” 

She was out of the vehicle before Anders could reply. 

Quietly, she slipped through the gate and caught the attention of the first person she saw. He was young, probably a dishwasher or something equally less glamourous. 

“Come here.” She said, and the boy came over to her. 

“Sorry about this.” She hit him hard and he went down unconscious. Dragging him behind a tree, she quickly stripped off his uniform jacket and put it on. Tying her hair back, she make a quick assessment of the situation. 

“I'm going dark, can't risk it.” She replied, turning off her comm, silencing Anders' adamant protests.

Keeping her eyes on the ground, she made her way towards the door, blending in with the people around her. When it was her turn to be frisked, the guard just gave her a bored expression and let her go with only the basic of pat downs. She was almost out of the kitchen when a loud voice stopped her in her tracks. 

“You, girl. Take this out to the veranda. The master is entertaining guests.” A large man was pushing a tray into her hands. She took it without a word and headed out the door. Maybe it wouldn't be so hard to find them after all. 

She had long since committed the floor plan of the house to her memory, so it was easy to find the veranda. But when she pushed the glass doors open, it was empty. Well almost empty. On the far end, she could see a pair of legs. She would recognize the shoes anywhere. “Phil.”

Dropping the tray on the table, she went to him. She found him unconscious, with a large bump on his temple. 

“Agent Coulson in down. I repeat, Agent Coulson in down. We're on the veranda, about 200 yards down from your current position. There's a gate, I'll see if I can get it open.”

Within a few minutes, Anders and his men had found her. 

“He's out cold. Call for an extraction team. I'm going to find the rest of them.”

Moving through the house was easy, the stolen uniform providing a certain amount of anonymity. There were guards everywhere on high alert. Very little was making sense to her. Why did they just leave Coulson on the ground, and where had they taken the rest of her team? What was Charles Landon trying to hide?

Two guards moved away from the group and headed down a hall. She followed them, hoping they would lead her to where she needed to be.

* * * 

_“I just don't understand her at all. Everything to her is just, target acquired. Threat eliminated.” Skye kicked her feet against the counter._

_“Well, she's a specialist.” Ward replied, as if that would explain everything to Skye._

_“In one thing. You can catch a lot more flies with honey than with napalm ... just saying.”_

_“Hand me the lettuce.” Ward said, holding his hand out. He kept making his sandwich as Skye continued on her rant._

_“And she says I need to stay away, but you know what I think? I think she needs to get laid.”_

_Ward froze for a moment, his mind racing, heart beating loudly in his ears. “Might want to be less confrontational with Agent May.”_

_“I'm not scared of her. Well, I am, but just because the Cavalry shot 100 guys on horseback doesn't mean she knows how people work.”_

_“Wait, horseback? Where'd you hear that?” Ward turned to face her._

_“Fitz-Simmons.”_

_“Were they messing with you?” Ward asked, sounding a lot like she imagined a big brother would sound like._

_“Story gets bigger every year. It wasn't 100 guys, it was 20. Trained assassins. May crossed them off with one pistol, no support.” Skye could hear the admiration in his voice._

_“She rescued a bunch of agents?”_

_“Yeah.” He turned back to finish his sandwich. “There definitely wasn't a horse.”_

_“Well, if it went so well, why's she so squirrelly about the name?” She asked, really wanting to know._

_“I don't know, May's not in it for the glory. She got the job done. End of story.”_

* * * 

It wasn't until they had almost reached the end of the long hallway that the guards realized they were being followed. Melinda dropped them both quickly before they could raise any kind of alarm. There was a stairwell at the end of the hall, and Melinda assumed that that was where they were headed.

The stairs lead down into a basement. The corridors were grey, lit by florescent lighting and they seemed to go on forever. She could still hear the alarm from upstairs, but it was much quieter. At intervals down the hall, red lights flashed. Landon knew they were there.

As she made her way down the hall to the left, she kept an ear out for footsteps and sure enough, she came across another set of guards. They looked surprised to see her. She just smiled. 

“Gentlemen.” They came at her, and with very little effort, she dispatched them all. Bright red blood staining their uniforms. The deeper she went into the maze, the fewer there were. The last two got the jump on her and managed to leave a decent lump on her head and a gash on her cheek. 

She was about to turn another corner when the sound of a child crying caught her attention. Quietly she slipped down another hall, looking for the source of the cries.

'You are nothing but a little bitch! And you never do what you're told. Is it any wonder I always have to beat you?” Melinda recognized the voice as belonging to Landon's personal assistant. She had heard him enough today to know what the man sounded like. She heard the sound of fist meeting flesh. 

“No, stop...when father finds out...” The voice sounded small and scared. Melinda felt sick to her stomach. 

“Don't you get it? He told me to beat you. He said that because those stupid SHEILD agents saw you today, they got a little too nosey. Saw things that they never should have seen. He's down the hall right now, taking care of that problem, while I take care of you.”

Melinda didn't need to hear any more. Stepping around the door, she grabbed the man's raised arm and stopped him before he could bring his fist down again.

“Didn't your mother ever tell you you should never hit a child?” Her eyes were a blazing fury and he sneered at her.

“She's not a child. I doubt she's even human.” Melinda bent his arm back and he screamed. She didn't stop until she heard the bones crunch and when she let go the arm hung uselessly at his side. He roared in pain and launched himself at her. He threw a punch that she easily side stepped and he fell. Before he could regain his footing, she took his head in her hands and with a quick movement snapped his neck. His lifeless body dropped to the ground and she let out a shuddering breath. 

“Is he dead?” The voice was soft and terrified.

“Yes.” Melinda replied. She leaned against the wall, breathing heavy. The girl looked at her, tears running down her face. She was young, maybe ten or elven years old. She wore a white dress with pink flowers, it was stained with the blood from her nose. 

Melinda reached into one of her pockets and pulled out a handkerchief. “Here, let me help you.” 

The girl didn't flinch away as Melinda wiped the blood of her face. That was a good sign.

“My name is Melinda. What's yours?”

“Raina.” She replied, her voice still soft. “Are you here to save me?” 

“Yes. And my friends. Do you know where they are?”

She reached for Melinda's hand. “Down the hall. The man who calls himself my father is with them. He is very angry. I can take you to them.”

“May? Are you there?” Coulson's voice was in her ear, and she breathed a sigh of relief.

“Yes I'm here.”

“Thank god, you're still alive. We are going to have a discussion when we see each other again.”

“Oh I'm looking forward to that.” 

“I'm here with Anders and his men, waiting for back up, like you should have done.”

“I'm sorry Phil, but can you yell at me later? I have to save our people.” She sighed, suddenly exhausted. “Let me fix this.”

“You can count on it Agent May.” His voice sounded hard and she knew he was angry. “Stay safe Melinda.”

“I will.” 

* * * 

_“You keep sending in the Cavalry, you're bound to get a reaction like that.” Skye sat on Phil's desk, staring intently at her computer._

_“Don't ... don't call her that.” Phil shook his head, but he was standing behind her and she didn't see._

_“Why not? No normal person can shoot 100 Bahrain,”_

_“That's not how it went down.”_

_“Whatever, 20. I just, I don't understand.” Skye continued, not really listening to Coulson anymore._

_“She didn't have a gun. None of us did.” Phil's voice was soft with nostalgia. “And it wasn't a rescue or an assault, whatever they say at the academy these days. We were the welcome wagon. And it went South.”_

_“How many?” Skye asked, turning to face Coulson._

_“Plenty. A civilian girl and a few of our guys were stuck inside a building, being held by the followers of this gifted individual ... or worshippers. We never found out.”_

_“May did.” As Coulson spoke, Skye began to understand what exactly May meant to Coulson._

_“She took it upon herself to get them out. Said she could fix the problem.” He continued. “So she went in, crossed off the enemy force. Didn't say how.”_

_“Did she lose anyone in there?” Skye asked, not knowing if she really wanted to know the answer._

_“Herself.” Coulson was quiet for a long moment. Skye waited for him to continue. “May used to be different. She was always quiet, she just, she was warm. Fearless in a different way, getting in trouble, pulling pranks, thought rules were meant to be broken.”_

_“Sound familiar?” He gave Skye a knowing look. “But when she walked out of that building, it was like that part of her was gone. I tried to comfort her, but she wouldn't tell me what went down in there._

_“What did you say?” Skye asked._

_“I said the words I thought she needed to hear.”_

* * *

Raina lead Melinda down the corridor. There was a room at the end of the hall, its double doors wide open. She could hear Landon yelling and screaming even from her distance. She stopped Raina as the walked past the door to a mechanical room.

“Give me a moment. I have a plan.” Melinda pulled Raina into the room behind her. She watched in silence as Melinda flipped some switches. “I hope this works. Come on, lets go.” She took Raina's hand again.

When they reached the door, she quickly popped her head in to get the lay of the land. There were two guards standing close to the door, but their attention was on what was happening so they didn't see her. In the middle of the room, she could see Lauren and Daniels tied to chairs. Jasper lay on the floor a little ways off. He was breathing, but it was laboured and his face was bloody. If she had to guess, she would say he had a few broken ribs. 

“No matter what happens, stay here. I will come back for you, I promise.” Raina nodded. Melinda gave her a small smile before slipping into the room, behind the guards.

Landon was kneeling in front of Agent McKay and the young woman was shaking and crying.

“If you tell me what I want to know, you can leave. Simple as that. Tell me the real reason that SHEILD sent you here. It was never just about your stupid little index was it? Tell me!”

“I don't know. We were just suppose to observe, this was never suppose to happen.” Lauren was unable to keep talking. 

“Wrong answer.” Landon pushed the barrel of his gun against Daniels' temple and fired.

The gunshot was loud and she saw Lauren flinch. When Daniel's lifeless body slumped over, Jasper struggled to sit up. Melinda screamed, rage and despair bubbling up into her throat. She stepped into the chaos. She quickly and messily killed the two soldiers by the door. She grabbed one of their guns and strode further into the room.

When she reached McKay, she placed a hand on her shoulder. The young woman flinched and turned. When she saw May, her face crumpled. May gave her shoulder a tight squeeze before turning to look at Landon.

“You are going to pay dearly for what you have done. I am going to make sure of that.”

“And who are you to be making such bold statements?”

“Agent Melinda May.” She regarded him with cold eyes. He paced in front of her, like a caged animal. He was dangerous, she could feel it. She had to get her agents out. She had a plan, she hoped to god it worked. “If you let my people go, I'll tell you everything you want to know before I kill you.” 

Landon laughed. “You can't kill me. You don't want to start an international incident, and that's exactly what will happen if I am murdered by SHIELD.”

“You just murdered one of my agents, I think its a fair trade. And besides, I know how to make it look like an accident.” Melinda pulled a lighter out of her pocket, and it was only then that Landon noticed the smell of gas.

“I bet you think you are so clever. I have news for you Agent Melinda May, if I burn, you burn with me. You and your precious agents.” 

It took her two strides to get to his side, and she kicked him hard in the stomach. He went down, dazed, so she had to work fast. Freeing McKay from her chair, she helped her to stand. Sitwell had finally managed to get to his feet.

“Go, now. Coulson and the security team are waiting outside.”

“May, you have to come with us.” Jasper said, reaching out to take her arm.

“No, I'll be okay. I have a plan. He needs to pay for what he's done.” Her voice was hard. She looked over and Landon was getting to his feet. “Go! Up the stairs and out the front door. No one will stop you.”

Lauren nodded, getting her arm around Sitwell, leading him out of the room. Melinda turned and faced Landon again.

“I don't know what your deal is, and frankly I don't care. You killed a good man today. You've hurt so many innocent people.”

“You have no idea the things I've done. In fact, they would probably keep you up at night Melinda.”

She suppressed a shudder at him using her first name so freely. 

“Well then, I guess you would agree that I'm doing the world a favour by getting rid of you.”

He charged at her then, moving to grab the lighter from her hand. She hit him again, in the back. He went down on his knees.

“You do this, and you are no better than me.”

“Maybe.” Was all she said before she dropped the lighter and the air around them caught fire.

* * * 

_She watched as Ward tried to get to his feet. Her hand shot out and grabbed his wrist. His eyes were wild when he looked at her._

_“This time, let me help.” Her voice had all the softness of an iron fist in a velvet glove. They both knew she wasn't going to let him pick the pieces of the staff back up. When he nodded, she let go of his arm and turned to face the new attackers._

_The pieces of the staff lay where he had dropped them. They looked so innocent, but she knew they were anything but. Taking a deep breath, she knelt and picked them up._

_The effect was immediate. She grunted as the magic of the beserker staff turned her blood to fire. Her pulse pounded in her ears and her vision swam with flames. There were images in the flames, voices in her ears. A gun shot, screams that had been her's. A white dress with pink flowers stained with blood._

_Rage sang in her veins, the magic of the gods almost pulling her apart. Taking a shaking breath, she opened her eyes and let it take her._

_Her body moved on its own, her mind lost in images of the past. Memories she thought dealt long ago overwhelming her. Sometimes they were just a bad dream she woke from too often, but with the magic of Asgard her's to command, she thought maybe it was time she laid them to rest._

_The staff becomes whole again in her hands. The rage was still there, but it was easier to control. She looks at the young blonde woman._

_“I am not afraid of you.”_

_“You should be.”_

_When it was over, the flames of her rage slowly dying, she thought of how easy it would be to keep all that power. It was then that another image came to her. Pink tulips. Kneeling she laid the staff on the floor, her hands trembling._

_Standing, she stepped over the staff and walked away. As hard as it was, she didn't look back._

* * * 

A small hand took hers and pulled.

“Come on, I know a secret way out.” Melinda lets herself be pulled along by Raina. They exited out a side door as the house began to be rocked by explosions. 

It was chaos outside, people running from the burning building. The local firefighters had just arrived and were trying to keep the blaze contained. Phil sees them first, and runs across the lawn towards them.

“Dammit May, what have you done?”

“Fixed the problem.” She fell to her knees, coughing from the smoke. When she looks up at Raina, the girl smiles at her. There was blood on her mouth. She swayed and Melinda caught her.

“Thank you for saving me.” She passed out in Melinda’s arms. She was still holding her tight when paramedics reach them. She doesn't let her go until Phil touches her shoulder. 

“You have to let her go Melinda. They will take care of her.” 

She looks up at him and does as he says. She lets Phil pull her to her feet and led her away. Looking back over her shoulder, she gets one more glimpse of Raina. She never sees her again.

Fury is there to meet them when they land at a SHIELD base in Greece. Melinda gives her official report while she's still in the med bay. 

Fury is there when she is released. He leads her out of med bay, and she falls in step beside him. They end up back at his temporary office. Taking a bottle of scotch from a drawer, he sets two glasses down on the desk. He disables the video cameras and pours her a drink.

“Now tell me what really happened.” 

And she does.

* * *

When she refuses to take any sort of leave, Fury puts her on desk duty. She spends her time filing missions reports. The house fire at Landon's compound caused extensive damage but minimal casualties. Landon's body was never recovered. In a batch of reports from the local authorities, she finds Raina's medical report from a hospital in Manama. She was treated for smoke inhalation and various internal injuries but she passed away from her injuries two days after she was brought in. 

Melinda carefully files it with the rest. That night she dreams of fire and smoke and the screams of a young girl she can't get to. She wakes, her heart pounding and cries for the first time. 

When Melinda is finally allowed back on active duty, things seem to go back to normal. She spends time with Phil, goes out for drinks with Victoria. She convinces herself that everything is fine. 

She doesn't tell anyone about the nightmares.

* * * 

“Care to explain yourself Agent May.”

“Sir?” 

She stands before his desk, memories of a moment years prior at the forefront of her thoughts. Only this time her hands don't shake. Her voice is steady.

“I want to hear from you, why you thought going after a hostile, with no back up, and against my direct orders was a good idea.”

“He was in possession of a biological that could have caused the deaths of hundreds, maybe thousands. He had to be stopped.”

“And for that, you almost caused the deaths of your fellow team members. I'm disappointed in you Agent May.”

“Yes Sir.”

“I have a mind to drop you back to level 3.”

“Yes Sir.”

“Is that all you have to say for yourself?”

“Yes Sir.” Fury sighed and rubbed his eyes.

“I'm placing you on suspension Agent May. Take some time. Get your head on straight. Come back in a month and I'll see what I can do.”

“Yes Sir.” Her voice doesn't waiver, but there are tears building behind her eyes.

After Fury dismisses her, she quickly packs a bag and bolts.

* * * 

She spends her first week in a various stages of intoxication. When people come to check in on her, she regrets ever telling anyone where her off base apartment was. The only person she lets in is Clint and that’s only because he brings a bottle of whiskey he stole from Phil’s underwear drawer. They drink mostly in silence, May chain smoking the horrible french cigarettes that Victoria had brought her back from Paris. 

He doesn't stop her when she climbs into his lap and kisses him. They end up having sloppy drunken sex on her living floor. It wasn't horrible but when its all over, they vow never to speak of it. When he leaves she falls into bed and sleeps for almost 20 hours straight.

She spends the next couple of days sicker than sick, but at the end of them, she's sober again. She throws herself into cleaning her whole apartment. She ruthless in what she purges. Most of her wardrobe ends up in a salvation army thrift store, and she reinvests in new clothes, all in black. On Saturday night, when there is nothing left to do, she grabs a pair of scissors and cuts her hair off.

* * *

_“Only god can forgive you.” Hannah's voice is raw with emotion. Melinda looks down at the ghost._

_“And he won't.” Her voice sounds bitter, and the ghost looks at her, lost. “You can't undo what's been done. That will be with you forever. But trying to hold on to this life, clinging to the person you thought you could be, that's hell. And you're dragging her down with you.”_

_May sees the glowing light of one of Fitz's golden retrievers. She knows that her team won't be far behind._

_“You have to let go before my people come and make you do it. If you care about her, and I know you do, let her go. Let the girl go, Tobias. Let the girl go.” Her voice catches on her last few words._

* * *

It's around supper time a few days later when Phil shows up on her doorstep and refuses to leave, no matter how many times she tells him to fuck off. 

When she finally agrees to let him in, he takes one look at her and raises an eyebrow. He tactfully doesn't mention her hair.

“I brought you some food. Victoria was adamant. She thinks you're not eating.” He holds out a Tupperware container and she knows what it is without looking. Victoria always did make the best lasagna.

She hands him a beer and goes to warm up the pasta. He sits on the couch, turning on the tv. He almost refuses the plate of food, but he knows Victoria made too much for just Melinda. They eat in silence watching sitcom after sitcom. After almost two hours, he looks over and there are tears running down her face. 

He turns to her and takes her hand. She doesn't look at him and he doesn't speak.

“They're dead because of me. Daniels, Raina. I promised to protect them and now they're dead.” She breathes deep. “Their blood is on my hands and it will never come off.”

“There's no going back Melinda.” Phil's voice is soft but firm. “But you have to let it go, other wise it will consume you. Let them go Melinda, you have to let them go.”

She listens to him, sitting in silence for a moment, then another. Then a sob escapes her throat and she's in Phil's arms. He holds her close and lets her cry. He kisses her forehead and her cheek, tasting the salt of her tears. She pulls him in for a proper kiss, and he responds the way he always does with her. They make love that night. Even as they lie curled together afterwards, they both know that it was the last time.

* * * 

_“Are you okay?” Phil asks, even though her expression shows her to be anything but okay._

_“Yes.” For the first time that day, Melinda almost believes it._

_“What did you say to him?”_

_“Same words you said to me in Bahrain.” She wraps her arms around herself and walks out of the barn._

* * * 

On her first day back at work, she marches into Fury's office and hands him a piece of paper.

“What's this?” he asks, even as his eyes scan the page.

“Transfer request. All I need is your signature.”

“Administration? Really Agent May?” His voice is disbelieving. He looks at her, but she gives nothing away.

“I'm not going back in the field sir. I can't. Not now, maybe not ever.” Her voice is rock steady and devoid of emotion. It will be better for everyone in the long run. 

Fury looks at her, takes in her short hair, dark clothes and nods. He knows. He's seen this many times since he joined and will no doubt see it again.

“Okay, if that is what you want.”

“It is sir.” He signs the paper and hands it back.

“I'll miss you Melinda.” She turns to leave.

“I'll miss you too Nick. Take care of Phil for me.”

“You know I will.”

* * * 

On her first day in Administration, Melinda finds Agent McKay's desk and leaves Daniels' dog tags for her. Two days later Lauren finds her. 

“I brought these for you.” She hands Melinda a small vase with pink tulips in it. Melinda wonders how Lauren knew that they were her favourite. She looks up from her desk and gives her a tired smile.

“Thank you.” She takes the flowers and places them on the corner of her desk. “I'm sorry I couldn't save him.”

“Me too. I don't blame you, its just, sometimes I wish it had been me, you know.” Lauren plays with something around her neck. Melinda recognizes them. Daniels' dog tags.

“I know.” Melinda nods. “Me too.”

They look at each other for a moment and Lauren shrugs her shoulders. “I should get back to work. Those codes aren't going to break themselves. Thank you Agent May.”

“For what?”

“Saving my life.” She goes back the way she came and Melinda sits quietly. She thinks about all the blood she has spilt, all the damage she caused. To those around her, to the people who's names she will never know. To herself. At least there was one good thing to come from it.

* * * 

_It was dumb luck that their hotel rooms just happen to be down the hall from one another. Its pure coincidence that they arrive at their doors at about the same time. There is nothing subtle about the way he looks at her, eyes asking a question without words. Her door is open, leaving the decision up to him. It does not surprise her when she hears the door close and the lock turn._

_They don't say much, actions speaking much louder than words ever could. Its messy and hard and slow. He clings to her like a drowning man, and the fire that burns in her warms his skin._

_After they lie together, still not speaking. He looks her in the eyes._

_“Will you tell me what you saw?”_

_It the low light of the room, she feels safe._

_“Bahrain.” she whispers. “I saw Bahrain.”_

  
[](http://s170.photobucket.com/user/paleogymnast/media/paleogymnast007/quote2_zps27a6755b.png.html)   



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